Members of the Jinan Special Weapons and Tactics team use Segways during an Olympic anti-terrorism training drill in Jinan, eastern China’s Shandong province, on July 2, 2008.
This is a bit old now… Olympic 2008 in Beijing… but rather unique.
Yet again, scratching an itch we didn’t know we had, Japan offers a bolder alternative to Segway. Well technically it’s just a smaller, slower and much fruitier alternative. Apparently the Honda U3-X was built on the “huge success” of the robotic technology used in the ASIMO (the robot famous for its hemorrhoidal walk). The Honda U3-X, however, dwarves the Segway in its pointlessness. Is that even a real word?! It’s a figure 8 shaped gadget with fold out pedals and fold out seat. The seat is a two part contraption – one for each ass cheek. This silver unicycle travels at up to 3.7 mph, and only has enough juice to run for up to one hour. I would be a total douche bag if I didn’t mention the one cool thing about the U3-X – because of its funky construction, the one “wheel” is actually comprised of several small ones allowing for complete swerve-ability! Honda is pitching this thing as a prototype with no immediate rollout plans, however they are mentioning their target audience – the elderly. Looks like Japan may have found the Final Solution to their rapidly aging demographic – it involves putting notoriously limber and acrobatically inclined octogenarians onto rickety robotic unicycles.
Videos of the Honda U3-X after the break.
As many of you know, I like picking on the Segway as the epitome of technological “mas puto” and the sign of the impending Apocalypse. Well, this morning a question was answered that plagued me for years (not really but please go with it). What would happen if an old Penny-farthing bike and Segway, ground out an illegitimate love child? Apparently, it would look a lot like the aptly named, Yike Bike, invented and brought to life by Grant Ryan and Peter Higgins of New Zealand. The Yike in Yike Bike is the shorter more commercially acceptable substitute for “JFC, I CANT BELIEVE I AM RIDING THIS THING”. The rider sits (not stands), locked in an upright position with feet on the footrests and hands white-knuckling the accelerator/brake bars as the whole contraption cruises at 13mph. Upon arrival to the destination, barring spectacular Monty Python like accidents, the whole contraption folds into a gigantic side bag guaranteed to attract attention. Then again, isn’t that the whole point of getting onto the Yike Bike in the first place?
For years I’ve used the Segway as a sort of a milestone of humanity’s technological accomplishment in building something wickedly stupid, unnecessary and overrated – a remarkable blend of misplaced technological acumen and social ineptitude – a middle finger to common sense and “cool” if you will. Yes I clearly got an itch to scratch on this topic… Well imagine how I felt today when I came across something that takes the Segway to the “next level” – a Segway for two called PUMA! In the world of hip and meaningless acronyms PUMA stands for Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility and not for Please Unf*ck My Auto. I find it perversely ironic that this “vehicle” is a “brain” child of GM and Segway. The freaking visionaries at GM (Government Motors) whose recent business “success” has been widely publicized went for a Hail Mary pass on this one by teaming up with Segway. The only way to top this would be to have Sarah Palin as the model/spokes person pitching this thing, but then it would have been called COUGAR (Couples Oriented Urban Gumby-Ass Rickshaw).
Here is an odd dichotomy – using your iPhone as a ballistics computer to get quick shooting solutions *boggle*… I guess in addition to letting you shoot the shit, iPhone now lets you really shoot the shit! When I think of a typical iPhone user, I think of some left wing metro sexual putz using his iPhone to find the shortest route between the Global-Warming-Peace-Shave-The-Whales Rally and his favorite organic sushi bar… This is despite the fact that half the iPhone users I know are gun toting nuts – I blame Apple’s pervasive marketing.
Anyhoo, for around ten bucks you can download the BulletFlight app from the iTunes Store which will allow your rifle mounted iPod (OMFG!) to calculate your shooting solution after touch-tapping the wind conditions, ammo type, distance and wind speed. The application features built-in profiles for three weapons – the M110 semi-automatic precision rifle, the KAC PDW, and the 14.5in SR16 rifle. Users can add more weapons to the list. “Environmental calculations are based on the Sierra Bullet model,” says the BulletFlight iTunes entry. “Up to five ballistic co-efficients with corresponding velocity thresholds may be used for each profile.” I am sorry to say, but attaching an iPhone to a REAL sniper rifle seems about as functional as mounting a 30mm autocannon on a Segway. A serious sniper using a REAL rifle like a Barrett, would most likely opt to go with a REAL integrated electronic ballistic computer that mounts directly on the riflescope and couples to the elevation knob. Admittedly, the downside of the BORS system is it doesn’t play MP3s or gimp apps.
Focus designs have taken the general premise from the Segway (accelerometers and gyroscopes) to make a self-balancing unicycle (SBU). You control the SBU by leaning in the direction you want to go… the pedals are not actually used for pedaling.
The SBU is not cheap… it will set you back $1,500 and will be available in November 08.
The rider controls the speed by leaning forward or backward to speed up or stop. There is no need to pedal, in fact there are no crank arms, just foot rests. The SBU keeps upright by utilizing advanced electronics including accelerometers and gyroscopes with sophisticated balancing algorithms. It’s truly an experience like no other.
As if Segway wasn’t lame enough, Toyota joined the lineup of Segway’s knockoffs with a gimp little entry called Winglet. Winglet sounds more like a Maxi Pad knockoff for tiny cooters but I digress. Since Sony scrapped most of its robotics division (yes kids they shot Aibo the dog), Toyota stepped in and picked up some of the bits. If Segway was a Ferrari, Winglet would be a Yugo – its top speed is 3.4mph, but you do get the same undeniable douche bag-geek-factor look and feel while riding it. From the video, looks like if you aren’t embarrassed to walk next to a person on a Winglet, you have to walk SLOWLY. Why oh why?!
Video After the break.
Doug Field, a driving force at Segway, is calling it quits and heading over to Apple where he will be the VP of Product Design. Is Apple getting into wheeled gadgets… or is Doug trying on a new hat? Either way, umm I really don’t care.
“Mark Twain once famously quipped that “Golf is a good walk spoiled”. Perhaps if he’d had access to the fully autonomous Shadow Caddy®, he might have been a little more enthusiastic.
This “follow-me golf caddy” has the ability to trail you around the course without the use of any form of remote control, making it a civilized compromise between dragging or carrying a set of clubs or foregoing the benefits of a pleasant stroll entirely by riding in a golf cart. It’s also cheaper than hiring a human caddy and because it is autonomous, it leaves your mind free to concentrate on connecting with that little white ball.”
The unit works by tracking you (via a transmitter worn on your body) while avoiding obstacles, and can be set to a “park” mode for when you head to the green or pub. Needless to say, this gadget is cool and won’t make you look like a dork. Video after the break.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWI8WOw82qI
Looks like the makers of the Segway scooter are trying to sex-up their product with their latest, the Segway PT i2 Ferrari limited edition. I can’t believe Ferrari let this happen.
What makes it a Ferrari?
The old scooter and a fat girl adage is ringing loud in my head. With that said, I am sure the Segwaysegway is run to ride around on… but I have yet to see anyone look cool on a segway. They just have a way of making the riders look dorky. Don’t believe me? Look at the pictures and videos after the break.
